If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend…

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he wouldn’t text; he’d send long, soulful emails.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he’d make sure you stayed hydrated.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he’d give you lots of space to do your own thing, but he’d check in “just because.”

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he’d encourage your hobby. If you didn’t have a hobby, he’d encourage you to try whatever it is you’ve always dreamed of trying. If it was bees, he would shyly hand you a beekeeper’s suit, and tell you the racks will be here next week.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he would always do the dishes.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, there would already be coffee when you woke up.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he’d find out what you’re reading so he could read it, too, and you could talk about it.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he wouldn’t make fun of you for wanting a Winona Forever tattoo. He’d tell you about the time they maybe got married while shooting Dracula, and then he’d pay for your tattoo.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he’d stock his kitchen with your favorite snacks and his bathroom with your favorite toiletries.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he’d make sure he had your meds on hand. If you menstruate, he’d make sure you’re covered for that, too.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he’d want to see your hometown.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he’d ask if there was room for two under your blanket.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, he’d build you a custom motorcycle with his own two hands.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, you could teach him how to knit. If you don’t knit, he would learn on his own and knit you a sweater. If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, the boyfriend sweater curse would not apply.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend, you’d ride your motorcycles down Soledad Canyon Road and when you stopped to hydrate he would joke that the name of the road does not apply, because you’re never lonely when you have each other.

If Keanu Reeves was your boyfriend and you felt lonely even though you have each other, he would understand. He’d make you tea and offer to drive you to therapy.